Sounds familiar? It may be for one or maybe two reasons —
1. Someone has said this to you.
2. You’ve said it to someone…and now you’re feeling guilty…and you should.
Either way you spin it, it’s a damaging statement…and it is my absolute pleasure to tell you why.
Regardless of what you think is the intent when people bring their thoughts to you, it’s always more about you than it is about them. They are coming to you because they view you as someone they can confide in — even if it’s just for that moment. You may be the only person they feel comfortable coming to but what do you do? You tell them it’s not always about them…
See, there’s something to be said about loners or people we like to diagnose as “antisocial”…or even impersonal. An internal struggle always takes place that most people never realize.
- Should I say something?
- What will they think?
- How will they respond?
- Are they going to shut me down?
- I‘m probably better off just keeping it to myself.
This is a constant battle…one that many people never see. Why? Because they’re too busy inserting themselves into that delicate space our “loner”, “antisocial”, “impersonal”, and “bitchy” peers carve out just so they can get some relief. That small amount of space they need in that moment just to get some things off their chest so they can go back to existing.
There‘s just one problem though…
Often times they can do it because someone violated their moment of vulnerability by telling them it’s not always about them…and that’s all it ever takes to close a door that may never reopen again.
In light of what’s been going on in the news with survivors of mass casualties in this country (Ex. Sandy Hook, MSD, etc.), I felt compelled to say my piece. People always say you can come to them if you need anything. I don’t believe it though…and I know I’m not the only one. There’s something to be said about what it feels like to feel like there‘s nobody you can genuinely confide in.
That‘s a lonely, dark space to be in…and there are too many resources available to keep people from staying in that space. I’ve included some of these resources below. You may not need them but someone you know might…
Crisis Prevention Resources
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline or 1-800-273-8255
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or Text NAMI to 741-741